Ready to talk about this enigmatic thing called Emotional Intelligence? Let’s hear straight from the father of EI, Daniel Goleman.

Danny-boy posits five pillars that guide EI! First is self-awareness, which is knowing your emotions. Two, self-regulation…managing your emotions. Third, motivation. (You got that in spades, baby!) Next, empathy – recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions. And lastly, social skills.

Do you see any applications to a selling life? (Umm, yeah.) The one that talks to you the most might be the one you should spend time on. (Unless you excel at them all, in that case, the class on Narcissism is down on the left.)

Generally, folks like you who sell professional services – no matter the locale, offering, or tenure – have lots of EI. You’re probably congratulating yourself right now on yours. (Hope so!) The critical point to acknowledge is everyone can grow and improve upon something on the EI menu of five pillars. EI is not something that gets mastered.

Staring into the mirror often elicits the question created by the first seller in the world, the rep who sold that apple to Adam: are you motivated by fear or achievement? Before wrestling yourself to the muddy ground over the debate, focus on the engine for both: motivation.

After years of perfecting their trade, most in the TOP 10% will admit they are sometimes motivated by fear; and sometimes by a sense of achievement. Circumstances and context play a big part in how that perspective of fear versus achievement changes.

The best news regarding your EI is that you come to the party brimming with motivation….and that’s the drive that will help push your growth against the other four EI pillars: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and lastly, social skills.

Be proud of your motivation – whatever the source. Then, use it to make yourself a more fulfilled and accomplished seller…and person.

Today, turbocharge your empathy with an injection of listening skills. Focus intently on what your customer is saying and contemplate what it means to be them. Literally…what is it to be the person sitting across from you in a meeting or on the video screen.

That human with whom you interact has trials, tribulations, challenges, anxieties – and victories – just like you. How can you better understand them? How can you help them? Your help won’t be needed – and wanted – in many places, but you should behave as if it can.

Trust is the cornerstone of business and paramount for sellers. Your intense listening focus may also lead to more empathy and trust.

You don’t need to be reminded about the importance of listening. (Maybe you do.) After all, you do great in controlling your listening on-demand skills (i.e., in big meetings or when essential topics arise).

But high-quality listening is about more than consistency. It’s about empathy. So today, while you consider what it’s like to be your customer and put yourself in their shoes during your meeting, consider ways to help your buyer uniquely and authentically. Sometimes the signals are apparent…the buyer can’t get an answer about X from your organization. Get that answer.

And sometimes the signals are more subtle…the buyer briefly refers to an upcoming vacation to a place you’ve been; send them your top three recommendations. These scenarios are easy. Challenge yourself to listen so closely that you pick up on the tiny things that prove you were listening…and care.

When listening to your customers in meetings, the ultimate guiding voice in your head should be, "What can I do about that to help my customer?"

EI for sellers isn’t about currying a favor to make a sale; it’s about an authentic connection with another human being who happens to be a customer. Better relationships with your customers bring fulfillment advances you can’t even imagine. Slap on this new outlook, and you’ll make many new best friends. (The class on the difficulty of selling to friends is down on the right!)